Being me is about creating, walking in the countryside or along the sea shore, writing, travelling with my man, playing with my jack-russell, spending precious time with friends and practice daily, being an example in the world. Learning always from those who are real ~ in the moment. I chose to be here right now ~ in gratitude and in awe for this wonderful earth we have, enjoying the seasons as they come and go.
Even though I have been living with diabetes for approximately 22 years now, 2021 has been a bit of a whirl wind to say the least. In all my 58 years I had never been admitted to hospital then April 2nd happened, I was admitted to The Royal United in Bath ~ long story short I was told I’d had a heart attack! Couldn’t believe it at first ~ two stents fitted and eight weeks rehabilitation with a manual at home, life was certainly different. I would say my body had to work in a different way now as it would take a year for the stents to embed. I don’t seem to get used to the medication that slows everything down. I was told that the good the medication does, far outweighs the side effects even though one created a major haemorrhage in my right eye, hmmm!
July 15th back into hospital with appendicitis and sepsis, I have to say learning about sepsis frightened me more than being told I’d had a heart attack. It is an extremely dangerous reaction to infection and has silently claimed many lives, I was shocked! I was then told my appendix has grown behind the colon. This made it complicated for the consultant to remove it. Plus being on blood thinners didn’t help. Apparently in Scandinavia they don’t remove them, they’ve done a five year study whereby people with acute appendicitis are given strong antibiotics and nil by mouth whilst in hospital. So suffice to say I still have the appendix ~ August 26th 2021 I was informed I have gallstones too!
I don’t think anyone could go through this and not feel out of sorts. I honestly thought I was going mad in November 2019 ~ I started to question myself, asking ‘what’s the matter with you?’ I knew I was unwell and obviously not knowing how unwell I really was, I began to isolate myself because I couldn’t deal with people, life and every day living.
World events of 2020 took everything out of my hands ~ there was an excuse to stay at home. The pressure of going outside, gone! Time and more time to read, listen and reflect. Who am I really? What am I here for honestly?
Many will say you find out who your friends are when illness strikes and I have to say I have been truly blessed and thank those who have supported me this year. You know who you are and I send much love to you all xXx
What now? I continue to read and teach tarot ~ this has been a part of me for over thirty years now. Helping others to understand the truth of who they really are. The long search for answers truly lay within each and every one of us ~ if only we take the time to listen.
My role now is to grab hold of that confidence that was upended and sat on its backside and get back out in the world to be of service in the way I know how ~ teaching!